Happiness
comes from one place called House
House is one of place that we can stay in it. We can stay
not only in one place, we can also live in other place, such as lodging house,
villa, hotel, etc. but we cannot live freely as free as when we live at home.
Only one place we can do everything and live forever. This place called home.
Everybody says this place “home sweet home” because from this place we can find
someone who beloved it is called family. From this place we can share
everything and express our feeling to someone that we beloved.
When I look into the future, I must marry someone who I
really loved and build a new family with son and daughter. Then I must build my
own house that I can stay with my small family. I want to make a new house for my
family. The theme of my house is natural and minimalist style. I want to make a
house which has Balinese style art. In front of my house, I want to make Bali
carve style. This house has art carve everywhere and using ceramics tiles for
the floor and a little bit on the wall. My house will use second floor to make
easier seeing a beautiful panorama from the second floor.
For facilities, I want to make house like a villa near the
rice field and has beautiful beach view. This house has four bed room, one holy
room for praying, one kitchen, two toilets, one living room, one garage for
parking my vehicle, and of course this house must have Padmasana or Pelinggih
for praying to God (Padmasana is a Holy place for Hindu). For other facilities,
I want to add swimming pool and fish pool, and for garden, I want to plant
beautiful flowers that I love, palms fill with green grass to make this house
looks fresh. If I have enough money, I want to buy plants which have art
values, and buy some funny pets such as birds, Cihuahua dogs, cats, rabbit and
hamster.
From environment, I want to build not to close with cities;
because city is crowded place full with activities which are we cannot focus on
rest time and sleeping time. I want my house far from air pollution because
that makes me feel cannot breath anymore. When we have time in the house, we
can share everything that we got in daily activity. Togetherness and happiness
are one of what I want to reach in this life. So my dream house is the place
that we can live no matter how crowded our activities we always have enough
time to stay and share everything in that time. Togetherness is key of
happiness.
your writing is good. i also want to have balinese style house with the green garden. it looks so fresh and luxury. on the other hand your witing is not consistant. from the title i find "home" and in your writing you use more "house". home and house actually are not same, but over all your descriptive text is very interesting to me.
ReplyDeleteHi Ery.
ReplyDeleteI like your writing. You have good ideas to make readers interested with yours. You can make a simple ideas become simpler. You have to be careful using (.) actually. Overall I like your writing.
Cheers
Yura :)
yup, thank you so much sista. (y)
Deletevery interesting story ery ^_^
ReplyDeleteyour organization of ideas and the role of your imagination are all synchronize and also your green theme house ( free from polution ) is awesome.
didit
in my opinion your story is interesting and also I like your picture of your dream house and same with Guna that your tittle is about home but your story more talked about house, as we know that "home and house are different. thank you
ReplyDeleteEry,we have many similarities about our dream house because I don't like crowded place. Your writing is good and you can develop the simple topic to be more interesting. In your writing I just saw a little mistake,that is one of prove if you are a good writer.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much !
I think your writing is very interesting with picture of your dream house. How you organize the content is good because I can imagine the house in yor writing. I like your ideas about house like environment of house. I think better if you use word house in your writing because house and home are different. Word house with its meaning support your writing.
ReplyDeleteHave nice day Eri...
ery...i think your writing is good enough..
ReplyDeleteyou made a little mistake about conjunction, but it is okay.
i like your writing because you can organize your writing from the thesis statement until the content.
good job ery
thanks ^_^
Om suastiastu my beloved friend ery indrawan :)
ReplyDeleteyour writing is good enough and interesting, I can easily to imagine what is your dream house later.
we are has some similarities about our dream house, for example the house that contain two floor, not close with city and far from air pollution.
but I have one difference with you, you will buy any pets and you put in your home, and i do not like that, because I think that pets can disturbing us and make my home dirty :(
yoo Ery... you want to make a house with natural and minimalist style, but what i read in your story is you actually want to have a luxury house. I really like your "Togetherness is the key of happiness" sentence. i do agree with it. your writing is good and I like it :)
ReplyDeleteAfter I read your writing I really like with your story Ery, but my opinion your conclusion doesn’t support your thesis statement because your thesis statement is Everybody says this place “home sweet home” because from this place we can find someone who beloved it is called family. From this place we can share everything and express our feeling to someone that we beloved. So your conclusion must be related with thesis statement. You also must be careful and pay attention with capital letter. About your content is also good because you also put a picture for support your dream house is like in the picture. So I can be imagine your dream house.
ReplyDeleteOverall is good Ery. :)
Well Ery for general your writing is good. I can imagine how beautiful will your house be. Actually i also have comments to improve your writing. You can accept it if you like. First i cannot understand with the second sentence in the first paragraph. If you wanna say "Not only: the correct partner of that words is "But also" so you can say "not only.....but also". Second you can use Shrine to replace the word Padmasana, but if you want to show the Balinese place to pry you can use it. That is up to you. Third I also do not understand with the first sentence in the last paragraph that is "From environment, I want to build not to close with cities" Do you mean: I do not want to build my dream house in the city because city is a crowded place. I think that sentence that you want to make I guess. The fourth, you can use the pattern "WILL + V1" if you want so you may not use the words "I want" too much. Last, I think your thesis statement cannot cover all of the paragraph and it may impact to your concluding sentence also. Well good luck Ery. That is all about my comments. I hope that we can study together to improve our writing better.
ReplyDeleteWisnu Saputra